Well, hello there to all my fans, and welcome to my blog! I know you’re just dying to find out everything you can about your amazing hero and role model, so here in a few short words is a little potted history of Me:

I was born many years ago in the Welsh countryside as a rat of distinction, quite clearly a cut above the rest. And by the time I reached adulthood my glorious attributes were plain to see – being, as they were, unmatched by any other known rodent. Of course I’m far too modest to list here all my great and numerous achievements, but for the purposes of brevity I’ll sum them up by simply saying this: My brain power easily surpasses mere human intellect, whilst my acrobatic prowess, so often featured in the media, is now famed throughout the world!

Indeed, it’s thanks to my remarkable athletic gifts that I’m able to engage in so many heroic acts of courage to rescue lesser, feebler creatures than myself from the jaws of death… creatures like Bumble the miniature Badger, for instance.

Now don’t get me wrong, Bumble is a very nice person. But the unfortunate fact is, he doesn’t have too much up there, you know – that is, in the cleverness department. Meanwhile, since not even the most generous of plaudits could describe him as an athlete, these two combined failings are constantly putting him in harm’s way. That means he relies upon the services of ‘yours truly’ to deliver him from danger on a pretty much daily basis… which, although it is a noble pursuit, is becoming rather a tiresome duty.

Well, I’m sure you’ll see from this that my superior class and abilities have been obvious from my youth. But what of my other credentials? Here are just a few of them listed below:

I am the only nephew of the late, and sorely missed, Lord Grouchkin of Crabby Manor. I am one thousand three hundred and thirteenth in line to the Throne of Rattyland, with a cousin currently serving overseas in the Angry Rodent Brigade. I have won the Nat Rat Angling Trophy four times in the last five years, I sing and play guitar beautifully, and if I do say so myself, I’m a pretty good ballroom dancer, too. As such I am nothing less than an Aristoc-Rat of the highest order, a world famous superstar, and indeed, quite a celebrity!

Is it any wonder that I have today the largest international fan club of any rat in the UK?

Many thanks for your applause.

Yours benevolently,

Lord Grumpkin of Grumblemore

 

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