Hello fans, it’s Grumpkin again. Apologies for whispering, but I’m trying my best to stay hidden while keeping up with some very fast moving events. As you will recall, Swindlerella has just hinted that after she marries her daughter into royalty she plans to become the power behind the throne, killing every person that stands in her way! She’s changed Cindy into the appearance of her stepsister Dulley, and shut her in the understairs cupboard to await a certain death. She’s changed her daughter Dulley into the appearance of Cindy, so that thus disguised she may receive a marriage proposal from the king’s son, Frank. And now the witch and her other daughter Dazey are in the kitchen while the young couple here in the living room decide their future – and it must be said, it’s all getting rather tense!

Meanwhile Bertie the Bluebottle has returned to his lampshade, and I am back under the sofa, both of us still hoping against hope that something will come along to frustrate this murderous plot. But I’d be lying if I told you that I really thought that would happen. And now as we listen in to their conversation, Prince Frank is working hard to show how sorry he is for upsetting Cindy the night before…

‘I really should have taken things more slowly, it was so selfish of me to put you under pressure,’ he tells the princess. ‘It’s just that, after you’ve searched for years and then at last found that one special person that you want to spend the rest of your life with – well, I guess it’s very hard not to want to have it all now, isn’t it? Can you forgive me?’

‘Oh, Francis, I’m the one who should apologise, not you! If only I were half the person you think I am,’ breathes Dulley, wanting to say so much more.

‘Nonsense, what could you possibly have to apologise for? You’re quite simply the kindest, gentlest, sweetest girl there is, and if I haven’t already told you – I’m madly in love with you!’ he declares with passion. Then gazing deep into her eyes, ‘You’re the only one for me, Cindy, tell me you feel the same way!’

‘I do, Francis,’ she murmurs, overcome.

‘Then you’ll marry me?’

There’s a pause and she suddenly twists away from him. ‘You think you  know me, but you don’t,’ she blurts out with a sob. ‘One day you’ll find out that I’m not the person you thought I was, then you’ll hate me forever!’ Now tears are running down her cheeks.

‘Hate you? Never! How could I ever hate the one I love so completely?’ His voice is soft and pleading as he reaches out to touch her.

At this Dulley turns her head towards  him. ‘Do you mean that?’

‘Of course I mean it.’

‘Then… you love me, no matter what?’

‘I love you no matter what, Cindy.’

With a questioning stare she comes fully round to face him. ‘Forever and ever?’

The answer is immediate. ‘I promise you, Cindy, I’ll love you forever and ever!’

And now at last she believes him. ‘Oh, Francis, I love you too!’ she confesses, falling blissfully into his arms. ‘I  can hardly believe this is real, it’s like a fairy tale, like an impossible dream that’s just come true!’

Elated, the prince  showers her with kisses while his hand finds its way into his pocket to retrieve a small leather box… then next moment he pulls away to fall down on one knee:

‘My dearest Cindy,’ he begins, laughing with joy, ‘please make me the happiest man alive and tell me you’ll become my wife!’ So saying, he opens the box to display a spectacular diamond engagement ring. The sight of it renders Dulley speechless with awe, but she gives him a beaming smile and nods vigorously. And with this confirmation, the prince continues, swept along on a tide of euphoria: ‘Here, hold out your left hand,’ he tells her, still laughing as he takes it in his own. Now he detaches the ring from its place and selects the finger which is to receive it. But as he is about to slip it on, the door bursts open with a bang. He looks abruptly up to see who is there, and at once his expression turns to annoyance.

‘Who are you, and how dare you come barging in here like that?’ he demands indignantly. Then getting to his feet, he points in disgust at the intruder’s clothes, ‘And what is this? Do you think it’s some kind of joke to go parading around dressed like Cindy?’

But in a shaky voice the girl replies, ‘It seems your memory has failed  you, Prince Frank. As I recall, it was only yesterday when you came to this house and said that you loved me… and it was certainly only yesterday when you asked me to marry you. How is it, then, that just one day later you’ve come back to propose to Dulley?’

‘To Dulley…?’ The young man reels with shock, spinning round to face the other girl. ‘You’re Dulley?’ he repeats, as if in a daze.

‘She’s lying! I’m not Dulley, she is!’ cries the outraged stepsister.

‘No, I’m Cindy and I can prove it!’ comes the heated retort. ‘Prince Frank, please – just ask me some questions  about your favourite mare!’

‘Oh, no, anyone can talk about horses, I’ve got a much better idea,’ the stepsister intervenes. ‘Why don’t you tell him about spells and potions, Dulley? I bet anything you like you haven’t told him your mother is a witch, have you?’

‘A witch?’ echoes the prince.

‘Oh, why can’t you tell the truth? Swindlerella is your mother, not mine!’ exclaims Cindy, now visibly upset.

‘Liar! And I suppose you’re also going to deny that she’s been teaching you magic all these years? Go on, then – can you seriously look the prince in the eye and deny that you’ve asked to join her Coven?’

While the argument rages back and forth, I see Bertie up on the lampshade looking just as bewildered as I am, both of us totally confused by what is happening. For only a few minutes ago Cindy was shut in a cupboard, as good as dead. Yet defying all explanation, here she stands now, full of life and clothed from head to foot in a princess costume! But there’s no time to ponder this miraculous resurrection, for next minute I become aware of more footsteps approaching the room, and we experience a strong sense of foreboding as the door opens for the second time… Now an unrecognised person glides into our presence, followed closely by the girl Dazey. The stranger wears a close fitting scarlet evening gown with matching shoes, and her raven hair is styled in a stunning updo punctuated with silver jewellery. Makeup extends her dark eyes like a mask, and a heavy perfume lingers around her. And then she opens her mouth:

‘Oh, my! It’s Prince Frank, isn’t it, I’d know you anywhere! What a great honour it is to welcome you to our home,’ she declares in sultry tones. And holding out a bejewelled hand to meet his, her red-painted, inch long fingernails click together as the prince grasps them in a warm greeting. ‘I’m Ella, Cindy’s mother,’ she announces, wrapping a maternal arm round Dulley’s shoulder.  ‘Prince Frank, may I take this opportunity to say how much my daughter enjoyed dancing with you during the Royal Ball? From what I hear it was the event of the year, and indeed, she’s talked of nothing else ever since.’

‘Well, the pleasure was all mine, I assure you. In fact, as you can see, I enjoyed her company so much that I’ve come all this way here tonight to pay her a visit.’

‘Really? Oh, how very kind of you.’

‘And, well, Ella, I do hope you won’t mind, but we have something really important to tell you. I know I should have asked your permission first, and for that I can only apologise. But the thing is, we’re in love, you see, and so I have to confess that I’ve just asked Cindy to marry me… and she’s said yes.’

‘You’re going to be married?’ The woman flushes with delight. ‘Why, I can hardly believe it, that’s wonderful! What splendid news, Prince Frank, my hearty congratulations to you both!’

Before he can reply, however, a cry goes up from the girl who stands apart from the rest. Her skin is ghostly pale, her lips and starkly dyed hair are now the colour of jet, and she is draped in garments black as night.

‘What have you done to me?’ she  screams at Swindlerella. ‘Stop your magic! Stop it now,and turn me back into Cindy!’

But in response the woman shoots a clawed forefinger into her face. ‘How did that witch’s daughter get in here?’ she spits from between her teeth. ‘I want her out of my house. Get her out of here IMMEDIATELY!’

Hearing this, the prince approaches the shrouded figure to see her off the premises. He is shocked and angry in a way she’s never seen before, and it unnerves her. ‘Don’t listen to her, Frank, it’s me, Cindy!’ the girl appeals to him. ‘My stepmother’s done this to me, don’t you get it? She’s a witch, she’s put a spell on me! Please, you’ve got to believe me – she’s made me swap places with Dulley so you’ll marry her instead of me!’

But her entreaties are in vain, and now he takes her firmly by the shoulders. ‘You heard the lady, she’s asked you to leave,’ he says. And despite her continuing protests, he propels her towards the living room door.

‘No, no, you can’t force me, I won’t go!’ she shouts, trying hard to fight him off. ‘This is my home, I live here!’

Yet still unheeding, he pushes her forwards, telling her, ‘You’re only making it worse by struggling like that, now quieten down!’

Then all at once comes a flash as bright as lightning! And as he strains to see what’s there, an ethereal figure appears in the doorway, hovering several inches from the floor. Her wings gleam with all the colours of the rainbow, and her raiment is of finest gossamer, in turquoise, pink and purple. ‘My, what a lot of magic is in the air tonight!’ she sighs in a voice like raindrops on summer leaves.

‘Wh-who on earth are you?’ stutters the prince, shocked by this startling vision.

‘I’m Grace, Cindy’s fairy godmother,’  she answers calmly, ‘and you of course need no introduction, Prince Frank! But if I may be so bold, perhaps I could ask you a question, too? You see, I’m most  interested to know exactly who it is that you wish to marry…’

‘To marry? Well, her, of course!’ And as the young man turns and points at the girl in black behind him, his face creases with confusion.

‘I see, so it’s Dulley that you love, then,’ she says, mischief twinkling in her eyes.

‘Dulley? No, not her – Cindy!’ he says, turning abruptly back again. And then he gasps to see a princess standing next to him, precisely where the girl in black had stood just one second ago. ‘What is this, what’s going on?’ he cries indignantly. ‘Stop your trickery right now – turn this creature back to what she was before, and turn Cindy back into a princess!’

‘She has turned me back into a princess, Frank. Do you still not know me?’ Cindy takes a step closer and lifts off her mask. ‘I’m the one who helped your horse Polarity when she wouldn’t eat. She’s a black mare with white feet and a white mane and tail. Her foal is black all over except for a white dot on his forehead. His name is Dwarf Star, and once he was returned to his mother she started eating again right away. Polarity is a champion show jumper,  and you have high hopes that Dwarf Star will be another winner, just like her.’

Prince Frank is completely stunned. ‘It’s true, then, it really is you…’ he breathes. ‘How could I have been so wrong? Oh, Cindy, I’m so sorry…’ But just as he approaches to embrace her–

‘All right, this has gone far enough!’ a voice behind him suddenly explodes. ‘Well, well, if it isn’t Grace, the little sugar plum fairy!’ comments Swindlerella in tones thick with irony, as she storms up to her rival and fixes her with a piercing stare. ‘Did you actually think your pathetic fairy magic could trump my witchcraft? Come on then, Grace,  let’s see what you can do about this!’ So saying, she lifts up her arms and utters a powerful incantation – whereupon the fairy godmother is promptly transformed into the frivolous form of a budgerigar, squawking noisily as she flutters away across the room. Then with a ripple of satisfaction, the woman now switches her gaze back to Cindy…

‘Well, my, my, what have we here? Ah, yes – quite the troublemaker, aren’t you, my dear!’ With this she takes hold of  the girl’s chin, pulling it this way and that to examine her features. ‘Well, let’s see, we’ve tried you as a moth, and just now as a goth, but neither one of them was really you, I’d say… so what would you like to become for your final incarnation? A slug, perhaps? Or, how about a cockroach?’ She breaks into raucous laughter, and Cindy shudders in response.

‘Leave her alone, you witch!’ shouts the prince, launching himself at Swindlerella in an effort to overpower her. But with a cursory wave of her hand she freezes him to the spot and carries on as if he isn’t there. ‘A cockroach, yes, I like that… I may need to run through the spell one more time to check I’ve got it right, but that’s no problem.’

‘No, Mum, please – Cindy’s our sister, don’t do this to her!’ Dazey rushes up in great concern.

‘It’s all right, Dazey, it’s just a joke! Mum’s going to teach Cindy a lesson, that’s all, then afterwards she’ll change her back into a girl,’ says Dulley, trying to calm her, but to no avail.

‘She won’t change her back, she’s going to leave her like that forever! Why else do you think she froze Prince Frank before he could make her stop?’ insists Dazey.

Alarmed, now Dulley spins round to face her mother. ‘That’s rubbish, isn’t it, Mum? You will turn Cindy back into a girl eventually, won’t you?’ Then when silence is her only answer, ‘Well, when you made us put her in the cupboard, I knew you weren’t really going to let her die. What I mean is, your magic was always going to bring her back in the end, wasn’t it? …wasn’t it?’

But all of a sudden she glances back at her sister, who isn’t moving. ‘Oh, no – what’s wrong with Dazey? What have you done to her, Mum?’ she exclaims in fright.

‘Now you mustn’t worry about Dazey and Prince Frank, child. As soon as I’ve finished with Cindy they’ll both be absolutely fine, as will you,’ comes the reply. ‘I assure you, once this is over none of you will remember any of this.’ And that said, with a sweep of her hand she freezes Dulley too.

It’s clear now what she means to do next, and  I’m starting to panic! I see Cindy trembling before her as she begins to chant the words of a spell. I see the prince and her stepsisters frozen in time, and her fairy godmother changed into a little bird, all helpless to intervene. I see Bertie the Bluebottle staring down at me, willing me to do something, and then it happens:

I run headlong at Swindlerella and sink my teeth deep into her foot!

In vain she screams and shakes her leg about, she cannot throw me off! I’m swinging to the right and left, my jaw is aching fit to split my face in half, but still I’m hanging on. Now she reaches to the table for a vase to hit me with. I’m too late to stop her, she has it in her hand! She’s lifting it high to whack it hard down on me, but now her face is contorting, something is wrong… She starts convulsing, losing her balance, and I’m out of my mind with fear! Then at last I hear intelligible sounds…

Those words! Someone is chanting, someone is casting a spell…

CRASH!

The vase slips from the witch’s hand and smashes, and my teeth suddenly crunch together as the foot shrinks in my mouth!

What is going on? I blink and look again. This can’t be real! Swindlerella is gone, where is she? And now my vision narrows till it homes in on a glossy, rust-coloured insect scuttling out of my grasp. It’s about an inch and a half long with hairy legs, and antennae even longer than its body. Then as I struggle to understand what I’m seeing, something small and feathered flaps down in front of me…

‘Oh, thank God it’s finally over, Grumpkin!’ cries Grace. ‘That evil witch, that murderous, scheming monster has got nothing less than she deserves, and now we can all get our lives back again! I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know that Swindlerella will never, ever be able to harm another person again. And what’s more, you can be very sure of this – her life as a cockroach will be vile, squalid, and extremely short!’

I am gobsmacked… ‘She’s really gone? But how can you be so sure?’

‘Oh, elementary, my dear Grumpkin! You see, Swindlerella had it all planned to turn Cindy into a cockroach – and let me tell you, that spell is lethal! But, of course, before that she just couldn’t resist turning me into a budgie, could she? And that was her big mistake.’

‘I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t follow,’ I say with a puzzled frown.

‘But, Grumpkin, it’s so simple! You see, being this small, I was able to sneak up unnoticed and take careful note while Swindlerella rehearsed the words of her spell, which was actually quite short and easy to memorize. And because I was now a talking bird, when the right time came I just opened my beak and pronounced the magic words over her instead!’

‘I say, Grace, how absolutely brilliant, I couldn’t have done it better myself!’ I tell her ardently.

‘Well, thank you, Grumpkin, that’s high praise indeed, coming from you,’ she says with a beaming smile.

But by this point I no longer hear her. I am starting to fret as my thoughts return to Cindy and the others, wondering how in the world they can be saved. And so now, sensing my concerns, the fairy godmother makes a surprising response…

‘You must have no fears about about the future, Grumpkin,’ she assures me. ‘I promise you, not a single one of Swindlerella’s prophesies will come true. Please believe me when I say that it’s all over, and from this moment on the witch’s magic is broken forever!’ Then as she continues to talk, little by little the calm quietness in her voice allays my anxiety.

‘Cindy will indeed marry Prince Frank, and they will have three children and live well into old age,’ she tells me. ‘And as for the girls, very soon Dazey will become lady-in-waiting to her stepsister the Princess. She’ll gain self confidence and charm, losing weight and becoming quite a beauty, and she’ll eventually marry a nobleman. Dulley will work at the palace too, beginning as a stable hand. Here is where she’ll learn to love people as well as horses, and in the end she, too, will turn into a very kind and sympathetic person. Thanks to this, after seven years she’ll catch the eye of Prince Frank’s younger brother Ernest, and they’ll get married. They will also have three children, and to the great delight of the nation, two of these will become Olympic horse riding champions! So you see, Grumpkin, in the end it will all turn out perfectly.’

She’s right, of course, all her predictions sound really great. And yet despite this, something is still troubling me…

‘But what about you, Grace?’ I ask her. ‘Will you have to stay like this forever…?’

‘You mean, will I always be a bird?’

Now the room grows very bright, and the tinkling sound of wind chimes is all around. As I shield my eyes, I’m just in time to see her feathers come ablaze with the colours of purple, pink and turquoise, and then melt away into the soft, translucent form of a fairy in flight. And there is more… The harder I look, the more I see fairies everywhere, their luminous wings like soap bubbles in sunlight, their voices like raindrops on summer leaves… and now she speaks again:

‘It’s time, Grumpkin. Your work here is finished, and this is not your world. In a moment I will snap my fingers and you will return to the place where you truly belong, but before that I have the authority to grant you one wish. So tell me, little friend, what shall it be?’

‘A wish? Ah, well, since you ask, there is something that would make me quite simply the happiest rat on earth,’ I tell her eagerly. ‘Fact is, Grace, I’ve always had a weakness for watermelons, so if you could see your way clear to indulging me, that would be absolutely awesome!’

‘That’s it? I’m offering you anything you like in the entire universe, and all you want from me is a watermelon?’

‘Well, not one watermelon, exactly. I was rather hoping you would grant me a never-ending supply for the rest of my life,’ I hear myself tell her.

‘A never-ending supply of watermelons for the rest of your life…?’ repeats the baffled fairy.

‘Yes, I really like their magical effects, you see,’ I try to explain.

She gives me a pitying smile. ‘Watermelons aren’t magical, they’re just fruit, Grumpkin.’

‘They may be just fruit to everyone else, but not to me,’ I declare firmly. ‘They have special powers which let me see faraway worlds that I can actually travel to in my mind, and whenever I eat any, I always have dreams with the most fantastic adventures! Honestly, Grace, you really couldn’t give me anything better in the whole wide world.’

Hearing these words, the fairy finally concedes. ‘All right, Grumpkin, if that’s what you truly want,’ she says with a twinkle in her eye. Then lifting high her wand she cries, ‘Receive your heart’s desire!’ And with that she utters a short, snappy incantation, upon which the scene abruptly changes… and now all of a sudden I’m back in GRUMBLEMORE,  where strangely, I’m starting to feel rather boxed in.

‘What the heck–?’

I immediately find myself wedged into a kitchen chair where I am pinned down by the weight of a watermelon. A second melon lies behind me, and two more hem me in on both sides. Worse than this, to my dismay, I see they are replicating at an alarming rate and now the whole kitchen is filling up with watermelons! All the exits are already blocked, and I can’t even see the door…

I mean, what is this, some kind of joke?

Okay, Grace, you’ve had your fun, now stop messing about and undo your magic spell. Get over here this minute, d’you hear me? Come on, come on, where are you?

Right, that’s it, you’ve done it now – just you wait till I tell the Fairy Queen, she’ll have your wand for this!

Well, for goodness’ sake, are you even listening?

I said –GRACE!!!