Well, fans, after promising to keep Hervor the Hamster supplied with fish so she would continue doing my deliveries, it was clear that I had no choice but to return to the waters where I had earlier caught the trout. And as to how to maximise my haul, it seemed to me that I couldn’t possibly choose a better fishing net than the oversized knapsack which had served me so well that same morning. So it was, that armed with this bag – now permanently fixed to a pole – off I went to begin the first of many long days of fishing along the banks of the bubbling stream. But as I trudged somewhat downheartedly towards that destination, I little knew that a prize far greater than fish lay veiled in its sandy bed…

As it happened I managed to catch four minnows in record time, and so, wearied by my recent adventures, I decided to call it a day. Upon taking these over to Hervor’s house, however, I was greeted with her usual Viking brusqueness.

‘You bring my fish? Very good, you put them here,’ she stated matter-of-factly, indicating the kitchen table. Then as I removed the four little offerings from my bag and placed them before her as requested – ‘What, more baby fish?’ came the howling complaint. ‘How many times I tell you, Grumpkin, I need caloreesh, many, many caloreesh! Thish ish not enough food for me. Tomorrow you get double quantity, or I quit thish job!’

‘No, no – no need for that, Hervor! From now on you’ll have more than double the quantity for both of your daily meals, I promise,’ I hastened to reassure her.

‘Well, you better keep your promish thish time,’ she said. ‘And come at four tomorrow, not five. I shtart work one hour early, sho will need plenty caloreesh for thish long day.’

‘Understood, Hervor, I won’t let you down,’ I told her with what I hoped was a self-assured, beaming smile. ‘I’ll be back here at the dot of four with an extra large fish for your breakfast.’

‘Very good, shee you then. Now, pleash – you go.’

With this the hamster ushered me out of the door and closed it firmly behind me. And as I headed home for a well earned rest, wondering how in the world I was going to fulfil such seemingly impossible demands, I tried my best not to succumb to feelings of panic. However, as I would soon find out, the solution to all my problems was closer than I could imagine, and about to come from a most unlikely source…

Thus it was that dawn of the next day found me plodding doggedly on beside the stream with my improvised trawl net, all the while dragging it along the bottom in hopes of landing a good catch. And this time I wasn’t disappointed, for within half an hour a really huge bream had swum inside! After struggling to hoist it out of the water, it then took me all my strength to get it safely to the hamster’s house. But for once even Hervor was impressed with this booty, and so, with a few hours to spare before my next fishing expedition, home I went for a much needed meal and a nap… and that’s when everything changed.

Before entering GRUMBLEMORE I was in the process of shaking some gravel and weeds out of my knapsack, when, as the debris fell onto the floor of the shed, I noticed something unusual glinting in the light. Curious, I bent down to retrieve it, only to find a small yellowish ball lying in my hand. What could this be? I examined it from all sides but couldn’t make head or tail of it, so I put away it in my pocket and continued cleaning out the bag. However, just as I was about to open my front door, my eye was caught by two more little objects glinting on the ground, each about the size of a ball bearing. Baffled by the strange finds, I put those in my pocket, too, and then went inside. However, it wasn’t till I found myself peering through a magnifying glass at these teensy balls that the mind-blowing question finally hit me –

Could I actually be staring at pieces of real gold?

At this prospect, all thoughts of eating or sleeping flew right out of my mind! And so it was that without further ado, I immediately threw on my best jacket and hurried off to Bead & Sons, the local jewellers, for an expert appraisal of my items.

Arriving at the shop just as it was opening up, I was let in by Bead the Elder, a keen-eyed magpie of mature years and an acerbic wit. Then as I laid the three balls on the counter and the bird took out his eyeglass to examine them, I held my breath in suspense. Were they the genuine article, or had I only brought him fool’s gold? As he lifted each one in his beak and rolled it around on his tongue, I watched him nervously, quite unable to guess what his judgment would be. And then it came:

‘Hmm, not bad for river gold… Small pieces, to be sure, but their taste indicates a high level of purity,’ he told me. And then he added, ‘If you’re looking to sell, I’ll give you thirty pounds for the lot.’

‘Thirty pounds…?’ I was staggered at the amount.

‘That’s a good price, Lord Grumpkin, you’ll get nothing higher round here.’ He stared impatiently at me as I fumbled for my words. ‘Well, come on, then! Do we have a deal or not?’

‘Yes, yes! Thirty pounds will be absolutely fine,’ I murmured at length, overawed by the whole experience.

‘Good,’ said he, beginning to count pound coins into a large cloth bag. ‘But then of course, I’d pay a whole lot more than thirty pounds to know where you found them all,’ he went on, fixing me with a quizzical stare. ‘Information like that could be worth as much as fifty pounds to a high-end jewellery business like mine.’

‘Ah, no, sorry, I’m afraid that’s confidential,’ I replied hastily, alarmed at the very suggestion.

‘As you wish, Lord Grumpkin, but if you change your mind you know where we are,’ he said blandly. Then after pulling tight the drawstrings he passed the bag to me. ‘Well, have a good day, sir, and see you again soon.’

An indefinable churlishness in Bead’s manner made me more than a little uneasy. But the second I picked up the money bag those negative feelings melted away. I was filled with jubilation, and floated out of the shop on a cloud of euphoria. So this was what a bonanza felt like! I could hardly wait to start my new career prospecting for gold, which left me with just one thing yet to find – some other poor sucker to take my place and supply the hamster with fish!

And as it turned out, it took me no time at all to hire a suitable conscript. Back by the banks of the stream I soon made the acquaintance of Scissors the Mink, who, for the price of ten pounds per day, readily agreed to do the fishing so long as I was happy to deliver her catch to Hervor. Scissors – or, ‘Sissy’ as she preferred to be called – apparently knew a goblin who accepted human currency in return for casting magic spells, which could guarantee her an abundant supply of fish and keep her safe from harm. That, of course, was of no interest to me. All I wanted was someone else to do my work so that I could be free to get rich.

Well, the first two days passed in a flash, but despite my best efforts to dredge the stream, it seemed that there was no more treasure anywhere to be found. Towards the end of the third day my bag was still coming up filled with nothing but weeds, silt, and gravel, and I was starting to despair. Would I really have to go back to catching Hervor’s fish? …or even worse, doing my own Superstore deliveries? The very thought of it sent my mood spiralling downwards, and I was soon overwhelmed with gloom.

But at the last moment of the last day, just as I was just pulling up the knapsack for the very last time, I realised I had accidentally caught a fish. And since I didn’t need any more fish for the hamster, I was about to throw it back when it suddenly gave what sounded like a rasping cough, then spat a large yellow object into the palm of my hand… I couldn’t believe it – it was a sizeable chunk of gold!

At this I let out a cry of joy, and grabbing my bag, made off to Bead & Sons as fast as my legs would carry me. So elated was I upon discovering this new trophy that I barely noticed the miles rushing under my feet. Then when at length I arrived at the shop, I was greeted at the door by Bead the Elder, who to my surprise was standing there as if he’d expected me all along.

‘Well, well, Lord Grumpkin, back again, I see,’ he remarked. ‘And what do you have for me today?’

‘Ah yes, Mr. Bead, thank you for enquiring. I thought you might be interested in this,’ said I, hurrying to place my lump of gold up on the counter.

‘Right you are, then, let’s take a look.’ So saying he bent down to examine it, repeating the same investigations as before. Then after that he pronounced his verdict.

‘Unfortunately this piece is poor quality, Lord Grumpkin,’ he said with a shake of his head. ‘It’s only about twenty percent gold, the rest is a mixture of other common metals with little or no intrinsic value. But if you’re selling, then being as it’s you, as a goodwill gesture I suppose I could make you a modest offer to take it off your hands, if that’s any good?’

‘You could? How much?’ I asked.

‘Ten pounds.’

‘Only ten pounds?’

‘Ten pounds, and not a penny more,’ he said firmly.

At that, my face fell. Realising that this would buy me just one more day of the mink’s fishing services, I couldn’t be more disappointed. The magpie, however, continued to press his case.

‘It isn’t much money, it’s true, but then again, surely anything is better than nothing? Or you could just keep it as a novelty item, if you like. It’s entirely up to you, Lord Grumpkin. Don’t feel under any pressure at all, I’m simply here to help.’

I swallowed hard. He was right, of course, ten pounds was definitely better than nothing. It would give me another whole day to search for hidden treasure, which in the end might be all I needed to change my fortunes and launch my new career as a gold prospector. So what should I do?

Well, it was a no-brainer, wasn’t it! I took the ten pounds, then went straight off to hire the mink.

However as things worked out, I didn’t actually make it back to the stream that evening. Instead, on the way I met a nasty old goblin with piercing eyes and a hooked nose, who claimed to own that stretch of water and everything in it. He robbed me of my money and threatened to beat me up if I stole any more of his gold. And shocked as I was at the time, I’m ashamed to say that I let him leave with my ten pounds without even trying to stop him.

But later that night I had second thoughts.

Who was this loser, anyway? Just some stunted little low-life puffing himself up to make believe he was a big shot! And what was that he told me? That he owned the stream and everything in it? Well, we’d soon see about that! Clearly this peanut-sized pipsqueak didn’t know who he was dealing with, and needed a jolly good lesson in manners!

After all, I was none other than Lord Grumpkin of Grumblemore – the Lion-Hearted Super-Rat of international fame – and like it or not, I had made up my mind. At dawn the next day I was going to be back by the stream dredging for gold, and I fully expected to work there in peace. So if he planned to tangle with me, then it was high time he understood that I wouldn’t be answerable for the consequences…

And indeed, if I had anything to do with it, things would turn out VERY much the worse for him!