Have you noticed? Yes, it’s just another really annoying fact of modern life: You can’t simply go out and buy a shoe. That’s because shops always sell shoes two at a time, don’t they!

So, what if you just wanted one shoe to replace a damaged one? …or if you thought it would be a good idea to purchase a spare shoe for emergencies? …or if you only had one leg? Well, good luck with that, fans! I think you’ll find that shoes are now classed as pairs, which means that no one can buy a solitary shoe for any purpose whatever.

I mean, really! Is this the twenty first century or not? Who says that people must wear matching shoes! We ought to be able to dress each foot in any shoe we want, and not be dictated to by manufacturers who only sell them in pairs to double their profits!

Huh! On that basis, I suppose it’s a jolly good thing that our bodies don’t have two of everything, isn’t it! Imagine having to buy pairs of hats for two heads, or pairs of shirts for two backs! Would we go along with it then? I think NOT! So my question is – when are we finally going to stop being taken for a ride, and do something about it?

‘Oh, there’s nothing we can do, it’s just the way things are,’ I hear you say. Well, stuff and nonsense, I say! There’s always something we can do, and here’s my suggestion for us all: We should each write to our favourite human celebrities and ask them to support our cause. Let’s get them to start a new trend by wearing odd shoes to all their public events!

Think it’s impossible? Think again! I have it on very good authority that a certain seasonal visitor has forgotten to order himself a new pair of boots for his December delivery service. It seems he’s been obliged to replace his old ones with a couple of mis-matched Christmas stockings instead…

Can you hear those jingling bells yet?

Cameras at the ready, everyone!