Yes, fans, I know that bad things sometimes happen to good people. But I mean, REALLY – this is ridiculous! Think I’m exaggerating? Well, believe me, you wouldn’t think so if it happened to you. So go ahead – just read this, and see for yourselves!

It all kicked off in the early hours of this morning, when I was rudely awakened from my dreams by a particularly loud noise…
‘FIRE, FIRE! Wake up, Grumpkin, wake up!’ I heard a voice cry. Then a great pounding on the door sprung my eyes wide open and set my heart racing with fright. What on earth could be the matter?
‘Who’s there? What do you want?’ I demanded, leaping out of bed. And as I opened the front door, who should practically fall into my arms, but Bumble the miniature Badger, still in his nightclothes.
‘Oh, Grumpkin, I was so worried about you, thank God you’re all right!’ he exclaimed, pressing me tight in a bear hug. ‘Don’t worry, the Fire Brigade is coming, and they’ll be here any minute! Now come on, let’s get you outside to a place of safety.’
‘Outside? But why? There’s no fire here, Bumble,’ I protested.
‘Of course there is, Grumpkin, why else would the Fire Brigade be coming? Now hurry up, we’ve got to get out!’ And before I could say another word, the badger gripped me by the arm and marched me firmly out of the property.

It was only as we emerged onto the lawn that I looked back to see clouds of smoke engulfing the shed that contained the wooden chest which was Grumblemore, my home. Then next minute came sounds of a siren, followed almost immediately by the flashing lights and intermittent horn blasts of an approaching fire engine. At this, Bumble left me standing bewildered on the grass and rushed off to meet the fire fighters, as they jumped down from the vehicle and made haste to deploy their hoses.

‘Come quick, the fire’s over there!’ he called, waving his arms wildly in my direction. And sure enough, within seconds they all ran past me, shooting multiple jets of water into the old shed in an effort to save my home. But the harder they pelted the shed, the thicker grew the smoke, till very soon I and the badger were lost in a dense black fog of it, and coughing fit to choke. As to how long this went on, I don’t know, but after a time there was a lot of yelling and then the water stopped. Yet despite this, it was plain for all to see that the smoke was worse than ever, and now the night sky was tinged with a glowing orange light. The fire was clearly out of control!

I couldn’t believe it, what kind of madness was this? Why on earth had they chosen this of all moments to turn the water off? Then Bumble came up to me, panting hard as he struggled to breathe through the huge wad of handkerchiefs he was holding over his nose and mouth.
‘It’s great news, Grumpkin,’ he mumbled excitedly from behind the bunches of cotton, ‘I’ve just had the all clear from the Fire Department! You can go back inside now, if you want.’
‘What! Are you blind? There’s a fire raging over there, of course I’m not going back inside!’ I snapped. ‘Now tell those stupid fire fighters to finish the job and get the thing put out, or else I shall make a formal complaint to their superiors!’
‘Yes, well, that might be a bit problematic, I’m afraid,’ said the badger, lowering his mask to speak confidentially into my ear. Then after a furtive glance around him to confirm we were alone, he went on, ‘You see, there’s been a teeny-weeny little misunderstanding…’
‘A misunderstanding?’
‘Yes, that’s right,’ he answered, nervously shuffling his feet. ‘Look, I can’t explain here, Grumpkin, I really think we should go indoors.’

So, scowling with annoyance I grudgingly followed Bumble back to Grumblemore. But nothing could have prepared me for the sight that met my eyes. There was water everywhere… in the living room, in the kitchen, and even upstairs, in my bed! I mean, it was literally like wading knee deep through a pond, with islands made of floating furniture! This was my worst nightmare! When, I wondered, was I ever going to get my house fit to live in again?

For a moment I just stood there, speechless with horror. Then I said, ‘There’s not much misunderstanding about this mess, Bumble. Now what was it that you wanted to tell me?’
‘Well, um, I just wanted to say, Grumpkin, you’re a very good friend, and so naturally your safety has always been of great concern to me.’
‘Yes, yes, get to the point!’ I said curtly.
‘All right, I will, but please don’t get too excited about this. Just remember that bad things can happen to everyone once in a while.’
‘Get on with it, Bumble!’
‘Right, then.’ He took a deep breath and composed himself. ‘Well, the truth is, Grumblemore was never really on fire,’ he announced finally, wincing in anticipation of my response.

I was gobsmacked. ‘Not on fire? What do you mean, it wasn’t on fire? Of course it was, you and I both saw thick smoke belching out of the garden shed!’
‘Yes, well, that was the misunderstanding, you see. The smoke wasn’t actually coming from your house. It was coming from next door’s bonfire that hadn’t been properly put out.’
I let out a gasp of disbelief. ‘Then what on earth were the Fire Brigade doing hosing down my property?’
‘Um, well, that was my fault, I’m afraid,’ the badger said, his voice strained with embarrassment. ‘See, when the wind blew the smoke over the hedge, it dropped down and covered the shed, making me think it was Grumblemore that was on fire – and so I called 999. But actually the bonfire was several yards behind it, meaning there was no real danger to your home at all.’

I was stunned. ‘No danger to my home?’ I repeated, dazed.

‘It’s a terrible shock, I know, and I’m really sorry for the mistake,’ said the badger, ‘but look on the bright side. I’m sure it’s not as bad as it seems. With a mop and bucket, and a good strong positive attitude, I bet we could have this place as right as rain in a couple of hours!’ And then, noting with dismay my face of thunder, ‘W-well, of course, not as right as RAIN, exactly…’