Do you have problems with English spelling? Do you, like me, constantly need to use your spellchecker? Well, here’s a solution to save everyone time and energy:

Let’s make English a phonetic language, and lose the ‘loser letters’!

But what exactly are the ‘loser letters’? These are letters which aren’t actually needed at all. For example, some sounds can easily be made by other letters in the alphabet. Take the letter ‘c’, for instance. This can either sound like ‘k’ as in ‘cat’, or ‘s’ as in ‘central’. So why not do away with ‘c’ and simply spell those words ‘kat’ and ‘sentral’ instead! As for the ‘ch’ sound, we could just put a little hat over the ‘h’ to show how it should be pronounced, to make sure people say ‘chair’ and not ‘hair’, or ‘chip’ and not ‘hip’, and so on.

In the same way, the letter ‘q’ (often written ‘qu’) could be replaced by ‘kw’, with words then spelled as ‘kween’, ‘kwik’ and ‘kwarter’. The letter ‘x’ would become ‘ks’, as in ‘aks’ and ‘eksternal’, whilst the ‘ph’ form would disappear altogether, to be replaced with ‘f’ – giving us ‘telefone’, ‘fantom’, and ‘dolfin’.

Other redundant letters include the silent ones that do nothing, and those annoying double consonants. (I mean, really! Who would miss the extra one?) If we scrapped all of these, we could have new, easy spellings for everyday words like ‘liv’, ‘helo’, ‘buter’, and ‘thru’, not to mention many, many more! Now, tell me honestly – wouldn’t that be great?

There are other ways we could simplify spelling, too. Every time that ‘y’ sounds like the vowel ‘i’, it should be written that way – as in ‘fisiks’, ‘glori’, and ‘simpathi’. But when ‘i’ rhymes with ‘why’ it should be written to look that way, don’t you agree? (Examples: ‘gyant’ and ‘bypolar’.)

And why stop there?

Think of all the different ways we write the sound we hear in the word ‘meet’: ‘ee’, ‘ie’, ‘ei’, ‘ea’! Well, for goodness’ sake, why don’t we just pick one and stick with it? Life would be so simple! We would write ‘eet’, ‘beleev’, ‘seet’, and so on, without even thinking about it – surely a no-brainer!

So I say to all my fans, if you feel the same as I do and you really want to ditch the spellchecker, then join with me here and now, and change the way we write English forever –

Let’s lose the ‘loser letters’, re-invent the written language, and start a spelling revolution!